History of Monsters. 220 | Ulisse Aldrovandi

besides the fact that Albertus Magnus and Suessanus report having seen such imperforate men themselves, Aristotle mentions a cow once belonging to the town of Perinthus in Thrace that not only lived with its anus closed, but every time it was opened by a surgeon’s effort, it would close up again. According to Aristotle, the beast survived because nature thinned out the dry feces and pushed them through the bladder. Mercuriale also, in his work on excrement, records that in our own time someone lived in Rome who, for almost his entire life, expelled his intestinal waste through his mouth. Similarly, Schenck relates that in Constance around the year 1530, a certain Andreas, who served as the Overseer of Beggars, vomited all dry excrement for twenty years, passing nothing through his bowels; meanwhile, he remained reasonably healthy and performed his duties until old age. Likewise, Schenck mentions a twenty-year-old girl in Cologne who used to expel her waste through her mouth every third day, and she continued this for three years despite the useless application of enemas and purgative medicines. She was permanently bedridden because her legs were completely contracted, yet she remained of good complexion and was quite clever. Furthermore, the same author mentions others of this type in observation 68 of his third book, to which we refer the reader.

To these things let us add, according to the opinion of Textor, that the people of Locri and Croton were never troubled by the plague.

Regarding human marriages, countless wonders worthy of recording could be written; nevertheless, for the present we will only note that there was a woman who went through twenty-two marriages. Conversely, in the time of Pope Damasus, a man lived who did not merely marry a second or third time, but was the husband of twenty deceased wives. Therefore, no one hereafter shall mock Martial, who sang of the seven wives of Phalerus in this manner:

Now the seventh wife, Phalerus, is buried for you in the field;

the land returns more to no one, Phalerus, than to you.

Finally, among these marvels we must place those people who are said to have returned to life after death. For Pamphilus the Pharaean, as Textor reports, lay dead for ten days after being slain in battle; when he was taken up and placed upon the funeral pyre, he came back to life. According to Pliny, the Consular Aviola regained his breath while placed on the pyre, but because he could not be rescued from the violence of the flames, he was burned alive. He also mentions Corfidius, who, after being carried to the grave, brought the undertaker back home with him; as well as a woman who was lifeless for seven days and returned to life. The same author mentions someone in Sicily who was beheaded by order of Pompey; after lying on the shore for a whole day, he regained his life, and after telling Pompey the commands of the gods of the Underworld, he expired again.

To these stories, as a finishing touch, let us add that some people have died of grief, others of joy, others of love, and still others of fear. Indeed, Pliny mentions a man who ended his life in grief after being denied the consulship. The philosopher Chilon expired from joy upon hearing of his son's victory at Olympia. Likewise, the tyrant Dionysius and Sophocles both died of happiness, their spirits dissipated, upon hearing news of a victory in tragedy. Similarly, a certain woman, having heard that her son had been struck by a fatal wound in the Battle of Cannae, later saw him safe and sound and gave up the ghost out of immense joy. Furthermore, the greatest love drove Pyramus and Thisbe to their deaths. But more fittingly, a certain pilgrim soldier, after visiting all the places where Christ had lived with the greatest piety, finally arrived at the Mount of Olives; unable to follow Christ any further, he died overwhelmed by the highest love and immense joy. On his beloved corpse, these three words were found inscribed upon his heart: JESUS MY LOVE. As for fear, what we might say does not occur to us at present.